Comment from Mel
Time: September 15, 2007, 6:05 pm

I can sum it up in a few statements:
- Personal Responsibility
- Informed Choices
- Understand, and be ready to live with, the consequences of your actions.
- Always live in the moment
- Choose to be happy
If you understand and apply the above statements you will never have regrets.

Comment from Mel
Time: September 15, 2007, 6:07 pm

P.S. I am on the list as “killeris”

Comment from Rob
Time: September 15, 2007, 6:15 pm

Excellent comment Mel.
I think you summed it up quite nicely. I think of all the statements you listed the 3rd one has real power.
If you are ready to live with, understand and own the consequences of your actions then you are in a position to make happy whatever situation you create or attract.

Thanks very much.

Comment from GG
Time: September 17, 2007, 6:48 pm

I agree about choosing to be happy. As I wrote in my own blog just recently, happiness can be learnt. And it should be taught at school. However, it really needs some concentration and self-consciousness to realize you are responsible for your own happiness.

Comment from Rob
Time: September 17, 2007, 7:31 pm

Absolutley GG!
That self consciousness is what you can develop by witnessing your actions, feelings and behaviours in certain situations and seeing how they create the result. This is the hardest part because we all too often see this after the results have been created.

Practicing watching with conscious awareness needs developing like a muscle that develops the more exercise you put into it, so witnessing is the exercise which eventually will lead you to being more conscious.

Comment from Anna
Time: September 22, 2007, 8:46 am

Dear Rob,

This is what I think about it:

Obsession is a conflict within our mind, pointing to the fact that we hold a belief system which is in opposition to our present desire. Paying attention to the problem or obsession will help us arrive at a decision; either our belief is outdated or the desire is valid.

A burning desire, on the other hand is the perfect understanding of ones desire, which is essentially congruence between our beliefs and our desire. Therefore we are at peace with ourselves, and there is no conflict. A desired state.

Comment from Rob
Time: September 22, 2007, 1:36 pm

I see what you mean Anna. I suppose the way I see it is that it is often the case that we focus on what we don’t want when we are pursuing our desires and seeing as we create our reality based on our internal map/beliefs/values (mostly subconsciously) the result we get is not fulfilling our desires, but meeting the very thing we are trying to avoid.

Understanding one’s desire would be, I think adding the focus on it as well as pursuing it, which gives it all the more power and likeliehood of materializing.

I am in the position where I am certain of my goals/desires, but still must have some hidden beliefs about whether I can achieve them or worrying about the outcome if they do not transpire. I’m working on that. It’s called life I suppose.

Great comment Anna, Thanks for taking the time. It’s very much appreciated.
Rob

Comment from Anna
Time: September 23, 2007, 7:41 am

Dear Rob, if I may further clarify my point, obsession as a word which has a negative connotation implying that it is a moral question you are faced with. Your belief system has essentially put a ban on your desire. Unless you are able to make your subconscious understand that you are JUSTIFIED in wanting something, this conflict will not end.

In short, it is time for you to replace you belief system with a more empowering one, something that lets you grow as a person. And this does not take years to achieve, if you understand the urgency of the situation it will happen immediately, the moment you understand this truth. That is why it is so importan to live consciously.

Comment from Rob
Time: September 23, 2007, 8:49 pm

Good point Anna.

Added to beliefs are values, which stem from your beliefs. If something is high on your list of values then you will naturally be motivated to create what matches those values, which if you are not aware of them is done uncosnsciously.

I do not mean specifically moral values or “should” values either. I am talking about what your mind has decided as important to you to keep you safe according to your “internal map of reality”.

I think your point about living consciously relates to having the awareness of what these values are and then seeing which of those values serve you and which do not, giving you the choice to change those which do not serve you.

In fact I think it is easier to analyse and identify your values than it is your beliefs and so by working on those values you can drill down to find deep held beliefs that you never knew you had.

Thanks for this interesting discussion.

Comment from Pete
Time: September 26, 2007, 7:56 pm

I think anyone who says that ‘they’ choose to be happy or not are really deluding themselves.
You may ’say’ you’re happy, or even ‘think’ you’re happy. But it’s not in the human psychy to be able to be ‘happy’ 100% of the time. It’s like saying you can stay awake 24 hours every day of our life. (Physically impossible).
Being unhappy actually ‘helps’ the human mind to ‘grow’.

When you go to the gym to tone your muscles, you have to ‘overwork’ them almost to the point of destruction before they’ll grow back even stronger.

It’s the same with ‘happiness’. You need the ‘unhappy’ times to make the ‘happy’ times even ‘happier’.

Good luck all,

Pete.

Comment from Mel
Time: September 27, 2007, 6:13 am

Pete,
I respectfully disagree. It may be in the definition of happiness. but I believe that a person can choose to be happy. In you gym analogy you build muscles to get stronger and stronger. I do not believe that happiness fits into that category. Happiness is unique to each individual. One can be stronger than someone else. However, I don’t believe that one can be happier than another. You choose to be happy or you chose to be sad; you choose the emotion. At certain times of your life, it is healthy to chose sadness, as in mourning the loss of a lover one. At that time you are choosing to not be happy. A “healthy person can look at the outside stimulus and decide how it will make him feel. One’s attitude (happiness in this case) is based on 10% what happens to him and 90% how he reacts. The key here is “healthy” person. Why should a poor person in Bangladesh not be as happy as a rich person in Beverly Hills. I stand firmly behind my statement of “happiness is a choice.”

Comment from Rob
Time: September 28, 2007, 8:18 am

The choice is how you deal with any experience and how you invest your energy in it. Therefore I would say that it is not the choosing to be happy that is the point, but choosing whether or not to grow from a “bad” or “unhappy” experience, or a good one for that matter.

You will not grow from an unhappy experience if you choose to spend the rest of your life blaming it, resenting it or using it as an excuse for how you choose to feel now, but only if you choose to accept the possiblilty of growth from the experience and find something in it to learn from about your self.

Happy or unhappy are actually a distraction from the real point. Seeing as either one can only have meaning relative to the other it goes back to the point of being conscious and accepting how you feel etc.. according to the choices you make in how you deal with all situations in your life.

Happy is not simply smiling and feeling blissful and flowery all the time, but the choice is always yours as to how you feel about something. Who else can choose that for you?

Comment from Mel
Time: September 28, 2007, 4:00 pm

Rob,
Excellent, excellent clarification!! Taking my point and expanding it to all feelings and including the growth factor puts it into a much cleared perspective. I focused on “happiness” because I deal with that a lot on my site. A pet peeve of mine are people who state that they are unhappy as if the person they are talking to can magically make them happy. The choice goes hand-in-hand with personal responsibility and as you aptly put it, “choosing whether or not to grow from a “bad” or “unhappy” experience, or a good one for that matter.”

Comment from Rob
Time: September 29, 2007, 8:42 am

Thanks Mel. I wasn’t sure how clear I was making myself. Sometimes it’s hard to put into words.

To expand a little I also believe that the less we are attached to being “right” about our perspective also leads to a greater level of happiness and also the clearer you are about what you want in life and where you are going the happier you will be, hence the choice being how clear you are about what you want to be in your life.

Easy to say though because I often struggle with the clarity thing the most myself.

Comment from Mel
Time: September 29, 2007, 5:24 pm

Putting out thoughts, which seem so clear, into words can be very difficult….this is something that all bloggers struggle with. As to your points:
1. “the less we are attached to being ‘right’ about our perspective also leads to a greater level of happiness.” Another great point. I am definitely learning from you.
2. “the clearer you are about what you want in life and where you are going the happier you will be, hence the choice being how clear you are about what you want to be in your life.” Here I must disagree, somewhat. How many of us are absolutely clear in what we want out of life. And those who are, are many times disappointed when they achieve it. I believe that the clarity in our direction is a parallel path in regards to happiness, but does not need to be tied to it. The “happiness is a choice” concept can be realized even if we make the wrong choice in life. Happiness is more tied to “living in the moment.” Living in the moment leads to gratitude for what one has and then happiness is the next realization (a definite choice.)

BTW, I am thoroughly enjoying this conversation!!

Comment from Rob
Time: September 30, 2007, 10:02 am

Yes good point Mel. Maybe it’s better to say that it is not necessarily the “thing” you want to achieve that is the ultimate goal, but what sense or feeling you derive from it. Often the failure to achieve the “thing” may be because the closer you got to it the more you sensed that it didn’t feel right or inline with what you are seeking.
For example, a musician can discover that “Rock stardom” is not what he wanted at all after achieving it, but led him/her to the path of writing music for other artistes or nurturing new talent, thus discovering a new way to fulfil the musical passion by contributing his/her talents to others and still achieving success.

What the goal was is then exposed as a sense of contribution to the world musically, rather than the inital appeal or gratification of being a rock star.

Thanks Mel. I am enjoying this too. You are making me think!

Comment from Mel
Time: September 30, 2007, 3:33 pm

Rob,
This takes me to one of my own posts: http://mondaymorningpower.blogspot.com/2007/07/happiness-vs-human-nature.html
In fact, I am a real life example of the difference between happiness and human nature. As I have indicated in my post, human nature is what drives us to great heights. One of the reasons for my blogging was to post a book that I wrote called “Are You Prepared For Success.” or as I have renamed it “The Process,” of which I have posted about 60%. It was during the writing of this book this I learned a great deal. What gave me happiness was the process, the living in the moment and the process of creation. It was “human nature” that drove me to the completion and hopefully selling it and making some money. If that happens or not, every day that I post and every day that I wrote was what made and makes me happy. Take this to your scenario of the striving “rockstar.” If the rockstar realized that the process is where happiness comes from, then the final result is a “non event.” Now I don’t mean “non event” in a negative way. What I mean is a “non event” when it comes to happiness. I have another post called “happiness Made Simple” on my site. Where people go wrong is when they conditionalize happiness.

Again, happiness and human nature can be parallel paths, but they must be separated in order to live a fulfilled life.

I love this!!!!!